Monday, September 10, 2012


How quickly the seasons seem to change! Not so long ago we were basking in the hot temperatures, and doing our best to survive the unbearable humidity. Today, I woke up to grey skies, and the Weather Network indicated that it was 12°C. The sun, which for a brief moment broke through the thick wall of clouds, goes to bed sooner, and the days feel shorter. Fall is in the air.

This morning around eleven, after a productive writing session, I went for a run. Despite the “coolness” of the day, I donned my shorts and T-shirt and set out for what turned out to be a 7.5 km run. Ever since a back injury earlier in the spring, I’ve been taking it easy. I’ve been easing my way back into the longer distances that I once ran with ease. Maybe it’s my age (a youthful 39; the guy at the movie theatre keeps asking me if I’m under 25??), maybe it’s what I’ve learned over the years, but I’m not forcing myself anymore. What I mean is that when I’m out for a run, and my body says, “Stop!” I stop. Or at least I slow down the pace, or walk for a bit, trying to keep faithful to the mantra, “Easy does it.”

All around me I hear, “Stop!”

Lately, I feel like my life is at a crossroads, but I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do. I’m not sure of what the next right thing to do is. I write. I paint. I compose. But I’m still left trying to connect the dots, trying to see beyond it all, and hoping that it will reveal a great master plan. I was raised in the Baptist church, and it was often said during the Sunday worship service that God has it all in control that God has a master plan for your [my] life. If that’s the case, now more than ever, I need some sort of sign from the big JC that he has it all in control. I’m in desperate need of a hint as to what He has in store for me.

In the meantime, and no matter how hard it sometimes feels, I will do my best just to keep on keeping on. I do my best to stay anchored in the present, and not let myself get caught up in thoughts about the future. I will once again hang on to that mantra, “Easy does it.” I will show up daily at the page to write and try not to overdo it, but do just enough. I will show up at the easel, spatula in hand, and set to work on my new series of paintings. I will go to the piano to practice as much as to compose. I will do my best to walk by faith, and to pray the prayer of serenity offered to us by Reinhold Niebuhr:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.”
And the church said, “Amen!”

No comments:

Post a Comment