Friday, January 13, 2012

Something's Got a Hold on Me - Reprise

Something’s got a hold on me. It’s like an itch that no amount of scratching can soothe. It’s like a splinter caught underneath the skin, and difficult to remove. It’s like the ex-lover you keep running into wherever you go. So I find myself once again in Quebec City, trying to find my way in the world.
It has been a good week in terms of my creativity. I’m back to work on a series of paintings I started before the launch of my first novel, Freestyle Love, in November 2011. Until I left for Quebec City, I made it to the piano daily, and a new composition slowly began to unfold. Being away for 16 days over the Christmas holidays took a slight toll on a couple of pieces that I had once played with ease. So now I’m being patient and working to get the pieces back in my fingers, work through the sections giving me trouble. I submitted a new short story for publication. I’m writing, my current work-in-progress moving ahead one sentence at a time. I also got in two good runs, and yesterday worked out in my hotel’s fitness centre (I forgot how different it is running on a treadmill than running outdoors).
I’m not sure why, but I cannot seem to keep still in Sherbrooke. It’s been only a week since I returned home from travelling to Eastern and Western Canada, and the Southern U.S., and this is the second time since my return that I’ve “fled” Sherbrooke. Maybe it’s that Sherbrooke is no longer home, that despite my best efforts to blossom where I’m planted, Sherbrooke is no longer the place for me to flourish. I don’t know. I really don’t know. I’m trying to make sense of it all, to let the answers come.

I will not panic. I will not make rash decisions. I will do my best to simply go with the flow, go wherever I am led. I will let the Great Creator use me, help me to be all that I dare to be. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being tested, and I remember what both my mother and grandmother used to say: “The Lord doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” Some days it feels like I’m at my limit, but I do my best to simply keep on keeping on.

On days like today, when I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do, my silent supplication goes like this, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief."

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