Thursday, October 8, 2009

Of Passion

This has been a week of anticipation. I've been counting down the days until I will once again find myself held in my lover's arms. A long-distance relationship, excitement and anticipation builds as each visit nears. Like I used to be as a child on the night before Christmas — eager to see if I had been good or bad — I can't wait to unwrap my gifts. In this case, the gift is my lover, and I can't wait to unwrap him, once again see his radiant smile, feel his gentle touch, hold him close. And just like I was as a child on Christmas Eve, I'm too excited to sleep yet nervous all the same.

This is a new love, a love that I hadn't counted on — a love that has made everything new again. As this new relationship eases forward, part of me wants to hold back, be cautious, afraid of falling too hard too quickly and getting hurt. Then I am reminded of the wise counsel Julia Cameron received from her friend, actress Julianna McCarthy: "If you're going to love, do it with your whole heart. If it doesn't work out, it will hurt just as badly either way."
In other words: Be passionate.

In being passionate, I am piggybacking on the energy that erupts in getting to know someone new. That energy can't help but spill over into other areas of my life, such as my writing, reminding me that I write for the love of writing. Something, some force, has got a hold on me. I'm singing more, and that could be the reason for the odd looks or nods of encouragement as I walk to work — forgetting the world around me, my tenor voice booming effortlessly into the air. I am spending more time in the kitchen, exploring my love of food. I have no doubt recaptured (was it missing?) my joie de vivre.

The challenge going forward, no matter what comes of my current love interest, will be to hang on to this joie de vivre, to live each day as though heaven is here on earth.

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