Battling the Demon: Procrastination

Lately, I find myself struggling … Again! Struggling to focus, to settle down and write. Struggling to not let myself be distracted. I’m trying a few different techniques and tools — to-do lists, setting reminders in my calendar, devouring advice offered up by various goal-setting websites. Nothing, in combination, seems to be working, at least not in the way that I hoped they would.

When I sit down to write, I’m overwhelmed by all of the things that I have to do and haven’t done. Instead of adding a new task to my to-do list, I undertake it immediately. I know that that’s counter-productive, that that doesn’t serve my writing. Is it any wonder then that, at the end of the day, I’m disappointed with my lack of progress? Not really. But I try to look on the positive side. I may have written 500 words instead of the 1,000 I had set as my goal. I may have made it halfway through the rewrite of a chapter instead of the whole chapter. That is progress.

What I haven’t quite figured out is why I’m so restless lately, why I’m so easily distracted. There are a lot of good things going on in my life at the moment. I have a good job that I, finally, enjoy. I’m in a loving and committed relationship. I’m surrounded by loving friends who are supportive of my artistic endeavours — friends who stand by me when everything I touch turns to gold and during the long seasons of drought. I have my health. And each day, no matter where I am, I do manage to write (Morning Pages, gratitude lists, snippets of conversation that become the fodder for a short story, etc.).

Despite the restlessness, the lack of focus — the sense of uncertainty about the way forward — I’m not letting those things bring me down. My daily gratitude lists remind me about the beautiful treasures that life offers to me. I can see daily how much I am blessed.

So I take up the challenge to wade through this restlessness, to show up stubbornly at the page daily and write. Be it a word, a sentence, a paragraph, I will write. That way I will see a body of work take shape. I will feel better about myself and my writing — that I continue to heed the call of what I feel compelled to do. And in that action resides the hope that, one day, I will slay this demon.