Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Hold Fast, Hold Strong

My hope for 2015 is that it will be my Year of Selfishness. I want to acknowledge what it is that I want to achieve and have the courage to go after it. It means that I must be willing to put myself first, which I’ve discovered is sometimes difficult to do. I don’t want to let down my partner, friends or family. I don’t want them to feel like I’ve abandoned them. But if I’m not being true to who I am, or if I’m not feeling like I’m moving confidently in the direction of my dreams, how can I be there for anyone else when I haven’t been there for myself? I’m the one who I’ve abandoned.

In my pursuit of selfishness, what remains most elusive is the idea of balance. The challenge is to not let myself get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, to resist the temptation to rush, rush, rush. I’ve never been concerned about aging, but when I turned thirty it felt like time suddenly sped up. Like I blinked and my thirties were over. Now I’m in my forties and it feels like I’m trying to keep up, to do everything in life that I want to do. While some dreams have become reality and other goals have been achieved, I feel like I have to rush, rush, rush in order to get everything else done. That temptation to rush intensifies, and I teeter on the verge of craziness, as other goals and dreams stall. What do I have to do to get them moving again? And is there enough time in the day to do it all?

So I will hold fast. I will hold strong.

The age-old adage to take like “one day at a time” is sometimes a hard pill to swallow, but I will try. I will do what I can in a day and try to be happy in all that I accomplish. I will not chastise myself for things not done; I will instead celebrate all that I achieve. That might just be the secret to 2015 being my banner year, taking me to a new and better and different place. After all, I have learned that balance inevitably creates a natural ebb and flow to life.

Arthur Ashe said it best: “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”

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