Friday, March 19, 2010

At a Loss

Despite the warm March weather — and running yesterday for the first time this year in shorts — I feel at a loss, and I’m not sure why. It’s been more difficult getting to the page and easel this week. While I went running yesterday, I had to convince myself that it would do me good.

At a loss …

I am in a period of self-doubt. My inner critic is throwing high-speed curve balls at me and striking me out every time. Do you really think your artwork will sell? my inner critic asks primly. Do you think anyone wants to read what you write? Stay away from the piano — nothing good will come of that!

So I’m struggling, struggling not to feel discouraged, struggling to get through this creative weather. Something in the past week or so has knocked me off kilter, allowing my inner critic to take control and hold me hostage. I remind myself to just write, to simply show up at the easel and go to the piano regardless … but it isn’t always easy.

Perseverance …

This morning I told myself I would write despite my doubts, despite the something nagging at my heart. And so here I am, at my keyboard, writing, knocking my inner critic aside. This feeling of being “at a loss” still lingers, but I will write in spite of it. I will get down to work.

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