Friday, October 30, 2009

Winds of Change

Today, I admit, I am at a loss.

As is so often the case, love happens when I least expect it. I’ve never been one to “look for” love. And, certainly, when the 8-year relationship that I was in ended in late 2008, love was the last thing on my mind. Dating, even, was out of bounds. I wanted time to myself, time to reflect, time to pull myself together. I made a lot of mental notes about how I envisioned my next (cough) relationship would unfold, what needed to be different – what I had to do differently.

Yes, free at last and I promised myself, perhaps foolishly, that I would stay single forever. No serious dating. I wasn’t interested in being that intimate again with someone else. I wanted space and, somewhat selfishly, I didn’t want to have to think about someone else’s needs.

When I wasn’t looking, I was bit by the love bug – swept off my feet by a dashing gentleman from Sherbrooke (Quebec). I was, at first, sceptical about a long-distance relationship. I wasn’t sure it was right for me without really knowing why. Whatever “doubts” I had about long-distance relationships quickly eased when A.R. came into my life. Seeing each other every two weeks – either in Ottawa or Sherbrooke – gives me the space I was looking for. And while e-mail, text messaging, handwritten love letters and phone calls keep us connected daily, the two week intervals when we don’t see each other are becoming increasingly hard to bear.

To go back to the beginning, I am at a loss. Not wanting to “rush into anything” (is it already too late?), the idea of leaving Ottawa, which has been on my mind for some time, seems to be taking hold. Is a move to Sherbrooke imminent? Probably not, but it is certainly not out of the question.

So, I’m in love, and for the first time in my life it feels completely right. What a wonderful feeling to know love has lifted me.

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